A few frames

I'm wating for an opportunity to run and catch my dreams before i forget them

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      I have few thoughts in my mind, I have few words to write All i want is a medium to express them

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I want to fly high. I want to reach the sky. I want to fall down and feel the rush and then again i want to fly high.

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I love shapes. I like to give shapes to my thoughts .. thoughts with sharp edges.

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I have a few knots to untangle.. the day i do that I'm sure i will loose the interest to live... the very essence of my life is the knots that destiny ties for me. For now i would just let this knot be it.... let it hold the mystery

Lights On-- 2






I Was home for this Diwali AND it was awesomeeeee... i enjoyed putting up lights decorating my home and probably this was my first diwali where i went back home from this juvinile home for adults called HOSTEL i was delighted even to clean up the mess in my room and clear off the mess i left back when i left home on june 1 2011.






I'm back in college and terribly missing home.. looking forward to the next diwali , holi or any festival with long holidays .. MISSING HOME SWEET HOME  :'(

P.S .. I finally took my camera out and started my most annoying hobby ( according to others) named photography .. its fun clicking random  pictures in the name of photography .. :)

From the Window of my heart

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of all the sights from a window the sight of happiness and contentment is the most alluring. Here I'm  far from the madding crowd of my class thinking what is it that goes wrong all the time with me ? why do i always fail to be noticed? I know the answer but i would never want to accept it.. all this years i have never wanted to get noticed.. i loved being ignored by people.. because I'm always scared to blow off relationships with my shot-temperateness and irritating nature.  Each passing day i salute the people who stay with me for more than 5 hours a day.

I'm in a particularly weird mood today and as i write this post I'm feeling heavy. I wanted a change within me instead of doing that i change my external environment.. i assumed that moving to a different city would solve my problem of loneliness and lack of acceptance but sadly nothing has changed. everything is still the same.. people won't even think twice before throwing there arrogance and uneasiness on me. all these years it din't hurt much but now it has started to form small patches on my heart .

I screw up my present and then hope for a better future.. i know that would never work but by nature I'm stubborn especially when it comes to such frivolous things. Today i realize that I'm a weird animal.. I know what my problem is , I know what are the possible solutions but for some strange reason I don't want to follow that. Today i realize the root cause of all my problems is my RESISTANCE TO CHANGE. 

I hate changes like most of us.. i like changes when they are substantially acceptable but most of the times they are completely contradictory to what we expect. 

Today through the window of my heart i can see all those passing time where i could have done something to make it my memorable moments instead i choose to stay in a corner and let the moment pass by. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is experience such a situation of regret and remorse . we all make mistakes of letting things go without a second thought of preserving them and nourishing those memories as moments for future. as i look back all i could see is the pain of loneliness that i faced.. i long for acceptability ( not attention) but atleast my loved ones( apart from my parents)... I'm afraid the bitterness of my lonely past and little bit of present would end my further moving relationship.. I'm trying hard to hold on to each passing moment now and make the best out of it. I'm not always successful in doing so but I'm trying and I know someday I will succeed.

NOTE :- no matter how pathetic you are( and I'm sure you won't be as pathetic as I'm) its never too late to change yourself. Just try. you will feel good in your deathbed and trust me that is an amazing feeling

P.S: - i hope my readers( if i have any) would bear with my random mood swing posts.. if you can't bear i would suggest you follow someone better( and finding someone better than me is a child's play)

ON A RAINY DAY FROM MY WINDOW…

Just when I thought misty winters were making way for depressing summers heaven smiles at me and gifts me with a beautiful valentine gift- RAIN… winter rain has always been beautiful and fresh.Winter Rain is mysterious.It is definitely cold but the wind that blows has a softness to it.This might be a goodbye winter rain but i choose not to sulk about that depressing tomorrow and soak myself for some real happiness that this gift brings to my heart and soul with steaming cup of ginger tea and my camera and not to forget the smell or rather than fragrance in my case of the wet mud( i love it like anything).I was thirsty for a refreshing rain and here it happens on this Tuesday morning.

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How I wish I could go out for a walk this morning just to feel the rain drops touching my skin but my fever does not permit me that liberty now so I decide to use my camera to walk and talk for me. 

Early morning showers on a working day sure is a mess but for the ones like me it is a blessing. Even when i had to go to school or college i loved it when it rains in the morning - clean roads tiny rain drops kissing your feet and those cute umbrellas ahh it is for everyone to enjoy it for themselves and yes the messy roads and clay mud was a reason to worry but then i somehow get very optimistic during rain and winters so i make a point to only remember the good memories related with Rain.I have had my share of messy experience of early morning rain when i accidentally slipped in a bus-stand in front of all the by-standers but i take that as a stunt of the funny me at least i gave them a good morning laugh in my mud claded avatar. They were happy and so was i, i gave my college a skip that day instead i decided to talk a walk back home all drenched in Rain( life was beautiful then ) 

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The Bonfire that was helping the people from the nearby bus stand to brave the Delhi winters that has decided to do a strong comeback before the final exist.

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The lonely rickshaw without the Rickshaw-puller.The sudden showers have made the rickshaw-puller to abandon  this poor vehicle and seek shelter near the bonfire.

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 Freshly washed Green leaves standing proud flaunting the depth of its natural beauty. I Love Trees i indeed Love Greenery; just can't stop admiring it especially after rains.

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Another skyscraper in NOIDA .The Building is under construction as you can see it. I'm tired of seeing this concrete jungle. I SEE LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND ME BUT WHERE ARE THE HUMANS? I'm nothing different from the people i mentioned here yet i try to feel my human side once in a while. I'm not blaming anyone for being busy or anything just that I'm having plenty of time to do nothing and  my mind is wandering through the ironical development that we witness and the kinds of people we eventually become.

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Rain is a symbol of purity . It purifies ones inner- self as well we are just too busy to notice that small process of purification.If  we have the time and patience to feel the change such small things  brings to our mood our day would go on a pleasant note. Many complain when it rains but somewhere deep down we all love it.We Love Rain. Rain touches our heart every time it pours down. All of us enjoy Rain irrespective of the age we fall into.Rain brings in an array of emotions it may ignite the sad self , the happy self,the nostalgic self... but it for sure ignites emotions that we forget to show/notice in our daily chaos.

I'm glad i got an opportunity to sit here and watch the world go by and join the circus; I Noe I'm part of that circus even if I'm nothing more than a Junior artiste yet i Noe i will always have the patience to look for such small pleasures of life  

An ode to instant Happiness

Life is beautiful especially during  the early morning visit to McDonald s for  an ice tea and an attempt to add on to my overflowing calorie level with the hot cakes served with butter and syrup all alone and completely out of all the urban mess around me.
   Such moments make me feel that my life is not as bad as I consider it to be; once in a while it does make up for the mess it gifts me with. The ice tea at McDonald s is reminding me of the one hour sneak outs on Monday during our last semester in college with my friend after our finance class with our psycho prof ,soon after the class ends with a messed up or rather unused  mind(happens after our finance class ) and an almost empty pockets we head to the economical and appealing McDonald to get an ice tea for me and chicken burger for her (chicken was her second love first being her boyfriend) and sit and chat there for an hour- comparing others  overflowing trays with  our empty ones and making fun of the girls or couples around us.. it was fun and here I’m all alone re-visiting those memories through my thoughts.. and its making me feel sad( I easily slipped into my messed up mode from the “happy:” me that I was when I started writing.Guess I’m well trained to be depressed all almost all the time)

one such Foggy winter morning

Anyways coming back to my:” life is beautiful” statement ( I don’t find it that beautiful now !) there are so many places, incidents or things that initiate an array of thoughts the moment we enter into that zone and I’m experiencing it now. My life is beautiful but it could have been little more than that ( aren’t v all born greedy ?) and things that could make it better changes from time to time but one thing that gives me instant happiness and makes that instantaneous stretch a little bit is  WINTERS. I love Delhi winters this is that time  when I’m proud of the city I live in. I feel like flaunting the beauty of this city and make others feel jealous of what I have and they don’t .Everyone looks happy during this time and most importantly everyone is looking fair (during summers all most all of us turn black and brown and that too the darkest shade of brown. I look nothing better than a rag picker then) winters allow us to dress nicely(properly covering everything) long jackets, boots, pullovers.. it feel so good to put all the clothes as compared to summers when anything more than shorts and white T- shirt feels like a baggage ( and the time for shorts is coming soon Come March and GO Clothes(not all though!) is the slogan for braving the Delhi summers.. ) winters treats my eyes well by displaying denuded trees ( lots of it )

one of the many denuded trees

and fully covered aunties(during summers most of them adorn themselves with those sleeveless blouses flashing their heavy and not at all appealing  arms that look  more like a 10Kg sack.  I know  it was a bit rude but could not help it.. if any  fatty aunts reads my posts here it goes- Aunty am sorry for hurting u .Even I belong to your group but I don’t torture people by displaying the overflowing fat in my body get the point?)

The warm sunlight

WINTERS... how much I love you … which other time of the year gives you the liberty or  willingness to grab a bestseller and fit your chair to that favorite corner in your balcony  and indulge in the luxury of reading  accompanied by random  ginger tea breaks as the sunshine soothes your body by  gently  kissing  your skin with its warmth and eventually making the urban mess  around you look more like an a product of  your hallucination than reality or which other time of the year do you look fresh even after along walk in Janpath or any market for that matter or which other time can you afford to wear that bright red long jacket of yours ? or which other time of the year can you make out without sweating like a dog even if your under ur blanket and the layers of clothes during winters does allow a lil PDA( if u must ..?). Foggy winter mornings prompts you to get up close and personal with ur spouse/partner( i have never felt the urge to cuddle up during summers.)So winters are special in one or the other ways.

Winters are definitely special for  me.. i wait all year for December to come and take me into a world of random knocks from happiness like the one now ;i might not be in that favorite corner of my balcony but I’m in this half filled McDonald by the window seat where the sun is providing me with the warmth I was yearning for... wow I have again started to see the beautiful side of my life. Thanks winters for making me feel happy again (life is not that bad.. when you re-think the bad parts of life you eventually discover the good ones and end up realizing how beautiful my/your life is .. I wish chicken burger lover ( NJ) was here…..)