From the Window of my heart

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of all the sights from a window the sight of happiness and contentment is the most alluring. Here I'm  far from the madding crowd of my class thinking what is it that goes wrong all the time with me ? why do i always fail to be noticed? I know the answer but i would never want to accept it.. all this years i have never wanted to get noticed.. i loved being ignored by people.. because I'm always scared to blow off relationships with my shot-temperateness and irritating nature.  Each passing day i salute the people who stay with me for more than 5 hours a day.

I'm in a particularly weird mood today and as i write this post I'm feeling heavy. I wanted a change within me instead of doing that i change my external environment.. i assumed that moving to a different city would solve my problem of loneliness and lack of acceptance but sadly nothing has changed. everything is still the same.. people won't even think twice before throwing there arrogance and uneasiness on me. all these years it din't hurt much but now it has started to form small patches on my heart .

I screw up my present and then hope for a better future.. i know that would never work but by nature I'm stubborn especially when it comes to such frivolous things. Today i realize that I'm a weird animal.. I know what my problem is , I know what are the possible solutions but for some strange reason I don't want to follow that. Today i realize the root cause of all my problems is my RESISTANCE TO CHANGE. 

I hate changes like most of us.. i like changes when they are substantially acceptable but most of the times they are completely contradictory to what we expect. 

Today through the window of my heart i can see all those passing time where i could have done something to make it my memorable moments instead i choose to stay in a corner and let the moment pass by. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is experience such a situation of regret and remorse . we all make mistakes of letting things go without a second thought of preserving them and nourishing those memories as moments for future. as i look back all i could see is the pain of loneliness that i faced.. i long for acceptability ( not attention) but atleast my loved ones( apart from my parents)... I'm afraid the bitterness of my lonely past and little bit of present would end my further moving relationship.. I'm trying hard to hold on to each passing moment now and make the best out of it. I'm not always successful in doing so but I'm trying and I know someday I will succeed.

NOTE :- no matter how pathetic you are( and I'm sure you won't be as pathetic as I'm) its never too late to change yourself. Just try. you will feel good in your deathbed and trust me that is an amazing feeling

P.S: - i hope my readers( if i have any) would bear with my random mood swing posts.. if you can't bear i would suggest you follow someone better( and finding someone better than me is a child's play)