Oct 26, 2010

Philosophical attack just aftr my kerala trip ..

My shortest  kerala trip of 14 days ended pretty soon as expected but for the first time this trip made me fall in love with my hometown ;the place i hated the most is now the only place i want to be in( not really ).Kerala is now the only place i can ever call home( at least i would like to believe it that way.. but i noe within a week i will start hating kerala for its narrow minded attitude)....there is something about the place you belong to no matter how much u try to deny it, u feel light hearted when u see ur people n place
A person who have been in Delhi for almost 21 years( and that person is ME) would never think of being  anywhere else because of charismatic power of this city  but that was before reaching kerala now im mentally screwed up( after reaching Delhi). All of a sudden dilli meri jaan is making me feel like a stranger here( not in the literal terms)i can sense a vaccum in my life aftr coming back here, i don't feel like i  belong here, i never belonged to kerala either... dilemma of my life  then what is wrong with me ? If i don't belong to these two states then which part of the country or world do i fit in ? Am i just born 2 live like a pendulum ?
i have been searching for a place where i could feel like i belong there but i never found one .I guess we all are in  search for such a place but do we all end up finding one ? or do we just end up loosing ourselves in the crowd ?
even though i have decided 2 call kerala my home but its not where i belong to( and i noe it very well)how can i call a place my home where i have to screen my clothes n wear them and make sure that nothing  peeks out of my clothes that might offend others , how can i call a place my home where im not allowed 2 walk in my shorts n chappal.. i can't right ?....i noe i can't  The biggest problem with me( and in general with many..) is that i( or they) never belonged to the " PRESENT TENSE " and the "PAST TENSE" was never loyal to me(most of them).. n  further the inability to make love with the "Future" always  created troubles in my life and im sure it wil go on like this.... I'm just trying to make peace with it now.. :)after all life really doesn't leave us with many choices ..

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Thanks 4stamping ur views